Are there reasons you feel you cannot end it, or do you feel if you could address the sex issue things would be fine? It may be useful to write down your physical and emotional reactions to the thought of ending things. If she is unable to talk, does not want to discuss the issue or says she is happy as things are then you may need to end the relationship. Alternatively resentment may build if sex becomes the only opportunity to experience closeness. She may not consider there to be a problem. Does she get angry or upset, or avoids further discussion? Might she have interpreted your letters as a threat rather than an invitation?
It may be that where you are now is what she is happy with. Noting this and making a deliberate effort to find ways to reconnect can help. Considering what those might be could indicate new things to try, or an awareness of specific turn offs that might be stopping your partner wanting sex currently. If she is unable to talk, does not want to discuss the issue or says she is happy as things are then you may need to end the relationship. Alternatively resentment may build if sex becomes the only opportunity to experience closeness. You might have to do this over several conversations or with the help of a therapist if needs be. Follow her on Twitter drpetra. See if you can identify with her what exactly she sees as the problem and how she feels about it. Might she have interpreted your letters as a threat rather than an invitation? Indeed writing out how you feel can be really helpful if you want to convey a sensitive issue clearly. Is it about closeness, communication, affection, love, romance or something else? If you have asked her, how does she react? Does that mean you have limited time together and might that be adding pressure to having sex at set times? Or they could be related to barriers within the relationship if either of you are feeling resentful. It may help to consider the starker question of what are you getting from the relationship as it stands, and why are you together if much of it is not working as you would like. She may not consider there to be a problem. Are there reasons you feel you cannot end it, or do you feel if you could address the sex issue things would be fine? If so, could you begin again by asking her to help you out with a basic conversation about how she sees your sexual life, what she would like sex to be like, and how she feels with the current state of your relationship. Those things may or may not be related to physical closeness but could be due to other lifestyle factors. Alongside this you might want to think about your view of relationships. How do these conversations usually end? Regarding variety, thinking about what sex might be could benefit you. What views of relationships did you grow up with? Is this something that is important to you? I can see why this was something you wanted to try, given she prefers to read things through.
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