Whether it helps establish and maintain your bond with him, to being a release, to just being fun, it is something you need. But yeah, I think the 'explaining sex as a tool by which you 'feel' loved' would be a better tactic. Your situation of a low-sex-drive male and high-sex-drive female is not uncommon, and you simply need to sit him down and explain that sex is really really important to you. They can really crush sex drive. Then get a divorce. He's probably isn't as naive and realizes that a fling could very well turn into a relationship. Hmm, I don't know if I would have said this to my husband. I tried explaining this to him once but it didn't go down well; he is the jealous type and abhors cheating.
He's probably having a blast just like you are, but he probably feels closeness as well. And never tell him again that sex is unemotional. He's probably isn't as naive and realizes that a fling could very well turn into a relationship. If he's not feeling like sex, then he should still put some effort into getting you off. You could reach orgasm solo. I don't know why I'm like this, I've just always had a high sex drive, and the enticement of danger and excitement doesn't help! Even though - you might not have sex as a love language. All about the type of problem you are experiencing. I feel like a horrible terrible person for saying this but if I COULD have sex with other people and he would never find out or be hurt by it in any way, I would. If he really is shooting you down 90 percent of the time this might be a reason you are thinking about other people. Why not give yourself the opportunity to feel some closeness and love with your husband as well? Talk to him and find out why he's not interested in sex with you. Whether it helps establish and maintain your bond with him, to being a release, to just being fun, it is something you need. I have no doubt that you would NOT be attracted to him since he is constantly rejecting you. Your question is a bit confusing and inconsistent, as noted above, but there's also little mention of how much talking you've done with your husband. And I keep having this recurring dream about a very cute co-worker, it's been going on for months now and I just can't see the guy at work any more without mentally undressing him. Think about something else besides other men. So it sounds to me more like he is the one who doesn't want to have sex. Sounds like he has trouble accepting your experience as you define it, as you allude. Pull a Dan Savage on him. I'm sure there are good people who specialize in exactly this. He also strongly associates sex with love, whereas for me sex is just an experience, something really fun to do, a life experience to be enjoyed. Anyway, you do need to talk with him about all this stuff you are instead telling us anonymously, whether that's with a therapist or straight up just the two of you. Open marriages and polyamory don't work for everyone, but they do work for many people. Some background info - I'm a healthy, successful 32 year old woman who works hard to look good, my partner and I have been married for 9 years no children. Either way it doesn't sound good. I have a hunch this could be the stumbling block here.
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