You are clearly hoping for something more than this person might be able or willing to give you. If you feel uncomfortable asking about a potential partner's sexual activity, the status of your relationship, or communicating any boundaries or preferences you have, do not do it. It's understandable why many singles don't want to give up sex entirely while looking for "The One" -- after all, that might take awhile. This is a no-no even if you are a woman on the pill or some other form of birth control and your risk of pregnancy is low. You may think you can handle it, but trust me, feelings always worm their way in. If asking that question scares a guy off, he is doing you a favor. And they still use condoms.
If you are continually getting involved with people with whom a long-term relationship is not a possibility, you are in a pattern that is not going to lead to the relationship you want. You are able to separate the act of sex with a deeper emotional attachment. Sex doesn't have to mean everything, but it is an intimate act that can have serious, life-changing consequences no matter how safe you endeavor to be. Using casual partners as a crutch is a signal to your unconscious self and to the universe that you are willing to settle for less. If you can't honestly communicate with this person and you're still willing to have sex with them, it could be a sign of a bigger self-esteem issue that is holding you back from the love you are seeking. You may think you can handle it, but trust me, feelings always worm their way in. However, as a love coach, I work with many singles whose sex lives are in direct conflict with the relationship they're looking for. And if you can't, then do not have sex with him. Arrange for a check-in call so that someone knows you are safe. It can be a sign your actions are out of alignment with your true desires. This is a no-no even if you are a woman on the pill or some other form of birth control and your risk of pregnancy is low. Am I able to communicate honestly with this person? It is a leap of faith to believe that you can have the love you are seeking. If the sex in question is with a friend or someone else who is likely going to be a continued presence in your life, modify this question to say: Of course there are no guarantees in romance. If you are seeking a committed relationship, sex can be especially complicated. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Some people can emotionally handle casual sex and others can't. Still others tell themselves they can handle it, but are really sabotaging their search for something more meaningful. Even with all of the education we have in this day and age about STDs, to say nothing of pregnancy, unprotected sex is still the norm for many. Am I actively dating people who share my relationship goals? Use specialty sites for niche interests The Rahners also suggest seeking out specialty sites if you are looking for something specific. I often hear women say they don't want to ask if the relationship is going anywhere before sex for fear of "scaring him off". Francesca is a love and lifestyle coach for singles. One likely scenario is you are hoping that your casual relationship might turn into something more serious. Even if you're seeking a committed relationship, casual sex is likely to happen along the way.
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