For many who lost parents young, one particular birthday in their adult years is highly anticipated—and bittersweet. Donica Salley, a year-old cosmetics sales director in Richmond, Va. For years, he resisted watching the video of his 9th birthday. Their year-old son has since attended a Comfort Zone camp. She no longer fantasizes about giving up a year of her life for a day with her parents. But he now finds it cathartic to see his mother healthy, hugging him and calling his name. Children are more apt to be buoyed by engaging in normal kid activities with supportive peers, and by receiving attention from adult relatives or friends who encourage them to talk about their feelings.
Gary Jahnke, 31, of Hastings, Minn. They were helped by looking at old videos with surviving family members, by listening to favorite music and by writing memories of their parents in journals. His organization, with the help of corporate sponsors, has sent families on vacations. Adults visit physicians, speak of depression, but are never asked if a childhood loss might be a factor. The study also found that those who lost parents young are more likely to be hospitalized for depression or to commit violent crimes. He died of a heart attack the next day. Support groups, which grieving adults often find helpful, seem less beneficial to bereaved children, says Holly Wilcox, a psychiatric epidemiologist who led the Hopkins study. Christopher Blunt, an executive at New York Life and a camp volunteer, was 22 when his mom passed away. When she was 13, her year-old father drowned while on vacation in the Bahamas. Herman, who lost his dad when he was 4 and his mother when he was 12, says such images can be a gift later in adulthood. She says she is worried that educators, doctors, and the clergy get little or no training to help them recognize signs of loneliness, isolation and depression in grieving children—and in adults who lost parents in childhood. After their parents die, some of the children might find it painful to look at these last photos of them enjoying life as a family. She no longer fantasizes about giving up a year of her life for a day with her parents. He was also It hurts not to hear him. Print By Jeffry Zaslow for the Wall Street Journal For adults who were children when their parents died, the question is hypothetical but heartbreaking: Children are more apt to be buoyed by engaging in normal kid activities with supportive peers, and by receiving attention from adult relatives or friends who encourage them to talk about their feelings. Donica Salley, a year-old cosmetics sales director in Richmond, Va. But he now finds it cathartic to see his mother healthy, hugging him and calling his name. But there are risks there, too. He lost both his parents to cancer before he was For many who lost parents young, one particular birthday in their adult years is highly anticipated—and bittersweet. One year-old girl told the others about a day when she was 5 years old and got mad at her father. The complete survey of more than 1, respondents, set for release later this month, was funded by the New York Life Foundation on behalf of Comfort Zone Camp , a nonprofit provider of childhood bereavement camps. The early loss of a parent can make some people more resilient, responsible and independent, the research shows. At the same time, the mental-health issues of grieving kids need to be better monitored by primary-care physicians in the days, months and years after their parents die, Dr. When surveyed about how they processed their grief, adults whose parents died when they were young speak of touchstones.
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